Fuschiang Ambisyon ‘To

What is your dream: To be a millionaire
What is your ambition: To be a lawyer

When I was young, I used to answer this in slumbooks of my friends and classmates. If I remember right, these were just before the “favorite expression” question that I used to answer with “Ay puke!”.

Yeah, I wanted to become a millionaire and a lawyer – whatever comes first didn’t matter.

I had this dream that I would be a courtroom brawler working up a brand of magic hitherto unknown to the legal profession and scoring victories after victories. As my dream drama unfolded, I would have this jampacked crowd holding on to my words as I won the case.

Then I would go home to my bachelor’s pad, grab a shot of whiskey, head for the shower and prepare for a nightout alone or with friends.

Though almost wasted on Saturday morning, I would still manage to pick up my parents from Batangas and take them for a ride anywhere they wanted. Afterwards, my father would cook his caldereta in my flat while my mother would be watching her favorite soap.

Sunday would be church day and fun with nephews and nieces. Ominously enough, there was no wife, girlfriend or child of my own in my dream scenario.

Picture pretty dream. Then life and my decisions set in.

I am no millionaire and no lawyer. I’ve just got enough in my pocket to last me a month.

I do brawl but in the streets with the police and not in courtrooms. Sometimes, people hold on to my words but that is if I keep it short, simple and to the point.

I go home to my bachelor’s bed, grab a chit-chat with housemates, head for the bathroom to smoke and fiddle with the broken shower, and prepare to sleep.

Saturday morning will be work. I can not pick up my parents because one is up there (I assume) and one is two hours away by plane. My dad cooked his last caldereta three years ago and my mom … still watches her favorite soap.

Sunday is the best day. No fun with nephews and nieces but a great time with fellow Pinoys. And yes, still no wife, girlfriend or child of my own. Never will happen.

Maybe my young dreams didn’t come true. I now dream awake. If I had known how things will turn out, I would have answered this way in those frilly slumbooks:

What is your dream: To be free
What is your ambition: To be happy

By the way, my favorite expression has also changed. Devah, I’m gay. Go figure.