I am usually boisterous and sometimes even loud. But when a guy I really like is around, I tend to be shy and unsure. I am a classic ligaw-tingin, palipad-hangin. Until someone else gets the guy.
For the past 12 months though, I dared to break the pattern. Not only once but thrice.
Exactly a year ago, I met B at a wrong place and definitely at a wrong time. Still we attempted to build something. For the next three months, I was contented to chat, text and talk to him over the phone.
I met him again when I went back to the
Though I tried to reestablish communication, he refused to answer. So I moved on.
In February, another one came along. But it was so short-lived – in fact it didn’t even really take off – that I think two sentences are enough to end this story.
Then April came with A. It was something unexpected. It was unreal yet it did not feel to be so. It was with so little hope but I didn’t care. It was just there, it happened.
For a couple of months, everything was great. I was happy and again contented. Happy with the way things were going and contented to wait. Still, it ended.
I don’t want to say I failed. I don’t believe there’s such a thing as failure in romance. Only experiences gained and lessons learned. Because at the end of it, I still get to smile at what had been. Albeit, with a twinge of regret sometimes.
But now I am closed for repair.
I am not broken. Rather, I am chipped and scratched.
Yeah, I do still ogle guys – both in the virtual and real world. I said I’ll be closed, not blind. But right now, I shall take a rest from the serious stuff. Things have gotten way out of hand that I almost lost my grasp of what my objective condition is and its limitations are.
I am retreating to the comforts of my old flames. There’s work to be done now. There are tons more waiting to be planned out and executed.
There are stacks of films that I have to watch. Books to finish reading, books to start reading, books to reread and books to watch out for.
It’s a tactical retreat until I regain my balance.
How long the repair will take, I am not sure. Good thing hearts have a lifetime warranty.