Monday, January 14, 2008

Tatay

After 12 hours of meetings, I am too toxic to do anymore work. I know I'll regret not finishing something that should have been done last week, but I just have to write this ...

Birthday ng Tatay bukas. He'll be 64.

He may not have been the greatest father. But he was a father in the way he knew how and it was more than enough.

He used to call me "pingkot" to describe how my face used to become like a crumpled can whenever I didn't get my wishes (bunso eh!).

He used to let me lay down beside him in the sofa while we watched TV and pinched my earlobes softly until I fall asleep.

He was the one who taught me how to play Pusoy Dos, Lucky 9 and Mah Jong. He was my usual opponent in Scrabble and Boggles.

He threatened to hack me to death or shoot me if I continued my activism. He stayed up late at night to wait for me after every news of a rally and bragged to his friends that I met Joema Sison.

He gave unselfishly. Firm in his beliefs. Proud. Cooked the best kaldereta in the world.

He died in September 12, 2005.

Almost three years after, I still can not recall the last time we talked and what we talked about. Back then, I didn't know that it would be our last.

It pains me to remember that I was not there when he died. It saddens me to realize that I was the only one who was not there in his last birthday. It breaks me to think that I didn't get to have my planned long talk with him when I see him again.

There are many things unsaid and undone between us. I know I did not turn out to be the man he hoped for. But it still comforts me to know from my Mom that he was proud of the person I have become.

Happy Birthday Tatay!



9 comments:

Bryan Anthony the First said...

surely our dads are shining down on us

hbd to tatay

jericho said...

hope he is beaming..:-)

Que? said...

bakit ang melancholic ng mga posts ng mga binabasa ko these days... hayz

jericho said...

@que: basta ako, i'm extending my holiday blues... hehe

chicky said...

oist!

daming sana noh, pero oks lang un lam nman ni kakang pabling na mahal mo cya at ikaw pa rin syempre ang natatanging bunso nya!


with smile,
Chicky

wanderingcommuter said...

i don't know exactly what to say. the last time i felt this was, when i had my first recollection. embarassing as it may seems.

surely, you're dad loves and proud of you!

jericho said...

@chiky: itinuturing ko na lang ang sana na yun sa "sana may world peace".

@wandering commuter: it's good to feel like this once in a while... in my first and last recollection, I cried because everyone else was doing so. gullible pa ako nun..;-)

wanderingcommuter said...

hahaha. when i took my second recollection (highschool na ako nun), nakisabay sa uso na lang din ako. peer pressure eh.
but on my third and last, ah wala na! pinagtatawanan ko na lang yung mga umiiyak. hehehe.

Harlene said...

oh yeah!.kaka is really proud of u!..and so are we, the whole CERADOY clan..di lang masyadong halata!bwehehe!..oo nga, kakamiss ang kaldereta nya!.we really miss u kaka!..