Deciding on what to write about gay relationships is even harder than when I decided that I am gay.
When I think about the plethora of relationships gays have been into - casual, open, fuck buddy arrangement, queridas, sugar daddies, boy toys, live-ins, gay-on-gay, gay-on-straight, etc. - and even more inventive ones I've heard of, it gets to be even more confusing and tasking to pin down that SOB. If we are just into rainbows, why are we in relationships that seem to cover the whole color wheel and the seemingly endless combinations of colors?
Then I think of how society and its norms dictate relationships and it is either you conform or you defy.
Conformity means the whole gamut of a hetero relationship, minus the female side, that includes dating, the through thick and thin thingy, family and maybe divorce.
Defiance, on the other hand, takes one to different forks in the road that sometimes can even lead to cynical views on relationships and sometimes a destructive lifestyle.
In my view, because of how gays are generally treated and perceived, right or wrong, we usually take the latter path. Most societies can only let us conform too far anyway.
So we defy. We defy conventions. We defy norms. We sometimes even defy definitions or even descriptions. But I guess at the end of it, we must still ask, what do we ultimately defy and where do we want our defiance to lead us?
I have tried one or two strains of gay relationships. Still, I am all for a loving, mature, and lasting one. Something like conformity with defiance. Conform to what is good in principle and defy the truckload of bull that patriarchy, inequality, class oppression and homophobia brings.
I like the idea of dating. I love the prospect of marriage. I look forward to a family. I don't want, but recognize the reality of, divorce. If having these means changing society and its norms, then so be it.
(I've wracked my brain out for a clearer perception on the topic. This assignment is unbelievably hard! Pwede bang true-or-false na lang sa susunod?)
I was asked to speak to Alan Hollinghurst in an episode of the BBC World Book Club - Someone from the BBC World Book Club got wind of my 5-star review of ‘The Line of Beauty’ in Goodreads dot com and asked if I wanted to send in a questio...
2 weeks ago